Coffee is an ugly, muddy looking thing.
*switches on kettle*
Coffee is useless at keeping its warmth.
*scoops granules into the French press*
Coffee makes you fidgety and nervous. You lose concentration.
*fills with hot water*
Coffee sucks the moisture out of you.
Coffee is acidic. It will stain your teeth. Its oils will raise your cholesterol.
Ah ……. Coffee!